BULLYING: DO WE EVER OUTGROW IT?

BULLYING: DO WE EVER OUTGROW IT?

Seniors & Bullying

By Joe Mannetti

It is time to dispel some myths. Bullying is something restricted to children and teenagers in school settings. Isn’t that accurate?

No.

In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. The focus of most anti-bullying campaigns place their emphasis on the reality of the bullying that is directed at young people by their peers in school settings. The depression, verbal and physical attacks, as well as suicide attempts and actual suicides committed by younger people who are the targets of bullying by their peers in school settings is, indeed, a very real problem. But, the misconception that bullying is restricted to the young or to school environments needs to be called out.

Bullying also happens outside of schools, and it impacts people of all ages. It can take place at work. It can be perpetrated by adults well past their school and college years. It can happen in local communities, and it can even be an issue for seniors.

In her article titled “Elderly Bullies Prove That Immaturity Has No Age Limit,” author Anne-Marie Botek writes;

“The word, ‘bully,’ often calls to mind images of meaty youths demanding lunch money from trembling kids in glasses and braces…Because this scene is played out in classrooms across the country, it is usually thought of as the territory of the young. As people age we expect them to become more mature, more skillful at handling interpersonal conflict…However, evidence gathered from nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and senior centers across the country runs contrary to this assumption… Evidence is mounting that points to the fact that, while we grow older, we don’t necessarily ‘grow up.’ The cattiness and aggressive tendencies of our youth are not automatically erased as the years accumulate…In fact, there comes a point where the years begin to pile on a host of problems that may cause an elder to revert to more childish behavior like bullying. Physical pain, disease, loneliness, fear, and vulnerability are all common symptoms of aging that can cause an elder to lash out at their peers.”

She continues, “According to the Department of Health and Services’ Administration on Aging, in 2008 alone, there were 2,793 complaints of elderly resident-to-resident abuse in long-term care facilities. This number only reflects the reported cases of abuse. Experts believe that abuse is more common than the formal statistics reflect. They estimate that as many as one in five elders have encountered some form of hostility from their peers while in a group setting.”

The core of what makes predators bullies transcends age and school environments. Understanding bullying helps explain this reality. In general terms, bullying encompasses cruel actions by a perpetrator who takes advantage of another’s perceived vulnerability. We can all be vulnerable at any age, and bullies can attack who they see as easy targets at any age in any environment as well. Friendship, or a sense of feeling positively connected and valued, is something we all need in order to thrive and function as human beings with a healthy sense of self. When any individual is denied a balance of healthy relationships and support, it can seriously impact self-esteem and the ability to function with confidence. Bullies gain their sense of power and entitlement through intimidation tactics that are deliberately and strategically used to drive their targets into isolation, shatter their positive sense of self, and destroy their belief in their ability to empower themselves. This can be done to individuals of any age. This is why adults and seniors can be bullied just as viciously as young people in schools.

Peer-to-peer bullying within senior social circles is reported to be quite prevalent. It is most common among seniors who participate in regular group activities or who live in senior communities or assisted living facilities. The bullying can often take the form of negative gossip, public snubbing, exclusion from social gatherings, or cruel treatment from other seniors. Seniors in these settings may also keep the fact that they are being bullied to themselves.  They may be embarrassed, or they may not have any close friends or family to tell. Sound familiar? As with targets of any age, bullies consistently attack the people they see as the most vulnerable. But, there are other factors to consider with senior bullying. The age specific issues connected to bullying in regards to seniors can include behaviors displayed by seniors suffering from dementia. They are more prone to become confused and may act aggressively because they feel threatened and disoriented. The attitudes towards aging can also be a factor. Seniors who do not feel secure or safe with aging may become disorderly and antagonistic towards others as a defense mechanism in response to a loss of rights, freedom, and a sense of value in their world. In those instances, the behaviors displayed may reveal more of a response to feeling bullied and powerless than the senior actual being a bully towards others.

So, what can we do?

In her article, “Bullying is Growing Problem Among Senior Citizens,” author Linda Rhodes reports;

“Nurse educator Linda K. Shumaker, with the Pennsylvania Behavioral Health and Aging Coalition advises people who encounter a bully to consider a number of actions: ignore the individual by not allowing the bully to gain power from the interaction, share your opinion but without any aggressive motions or innuendos, don’t interrupt them or provoke, maintain eye contact and try to gain an understanding of the individual’s insecurities…”

Experts also will tell you that if this behavior continues, it’s important to reach out to the administrator or nursing staff to let them know. An assessment should be conducted in order to determine if there is a medical condition triggering the bullying behavior. Dementia and some prescription medications can cause aggressive or inappropriate behavior. Senior living facilities should have a protocol in place as to how they’ll address the situation. Ignoring the behavior is not acceptable. If nothing is done to address it, bullying behavior will likely grow worse and could eventually become violent.

Facilities on top of bullying often require residents to sign a code of conduct to treat peers with civility and respect. They will spell out what type of steps they will take if a resident does not change their aggressive behavior. Behavioral support services to assist a resident in changing their behavior can also be made available, as well as appointing resident “ambassadors” to welcome newcomers for a positive transition into the community and offer advice on how to handle snubs and aggression by fellow residents. Check with the facility to see what protocols they follow to address bullying.

Keep in mind that every negative behavior seniors may display is not necessarily bullying. Chronic pain, lack of sleep and depression can cause anyone to have a bad day. Never the less, nobody should be forced to tolerate bullying or a hostile environment at any age for any reason.